The Menopause - my response to Caryn Franklin and Carol Vorderman

It pleases me greatly when any woman chooses to write about the Menopause, and while I feel both that it isn't talked about enough  and totally under-estimated in terms of lifestyle changes, I am glad to hear of any honest experiences, the more we hear the more we can support anyone going through this change.

Caryn Franklin is a woman of my generation, born the same year, but certainly a face I knew from the tv and whose opinions I respected, she crossed the bridge perfectly between intelligence and style, a breath of fresh air to balance all those page three girls who were so lauded back in the eighties.

So her article on the menopause found me, and I read it with great interest. Here’s the thing, like Caryn says, everyone has a different experience with it, mine is different from hers, although there are cross-over areas.  How the Menopause will affect you will totally depend on your genetics, somewhat on your lifestyle, and is pretty much completely out of your control, so be prepared. I want more people to write about it for this very reason, we need to hear all the stories.

I've heard that if you are slim then you might stand more chance of osteoporosis, but if you are overweight, you will probably gain more weight. These aren't scientific results by any stretch, my point being, that you just can't prepare yourself too much, there are so many different stories about how it affects people. Some have the theory that if you haven't had children it will be worse, your body getting it's revenge! 

Anyone who has had children, but not reached the Menopause, will know how your hormones gave you fluff for brains and a rollercoaster ride of emotions … well guess what, it’s all likely to happen again.  I’ve thought a bit about hormones, this invisible thing that controls us, and one which seems to leave most men completely baffled.  The problem with the gender divide on the hormone issue can also result in women having little support from the men they live with, being blamed for having mental health and mood issues, called crazy and unreasonable.  Oh I just wish we could show them one day of the torture, yes we know we are being illogical, trust me, I am one person who likes things to be logical, so to be having the argument with your own self is surely set to put anyone on the path of temporary madness, and bursting into tears at the drop of a hat isn't my idea of fun either.

Like Caryn, I too consider myself as someone who sees a problem and wants to fix it NOW.  What she says is oh so important here, you can’t get out of it, you just have to listen to it … it’s not called ‘the change’ for no reason, so get ready to change.

I would say for me, there was a long lead up, many years of peri symptoms, then wham, one (and a bit) full-on years of almost complete incapacity.  Caryn did not suffer so much from the physical affects, I however, had the complete opposite. Hot flushes, night sweats, complete lack of energy, aching joints, and depression, not surprisingly.  

While Caryn was self medicating with wine, I became completely intolerant to all alcohol, it made the night sweats worse, I felt sick, so one glass of wine just simply wasn’t worth it.  I get the impression from her article that her’s was more a mental change and that certainly has happened, although I wasn’t quite so aware of it until now.

Caryn says that ‘in menopause our body roars’ which I can relate too and that your new self after ‘the change’ is probably one, who like me, has much less tolerance.  Like Caryn I have made concerted efforts to cut the crap out of life as much as is humanly possible, this week I even hired cleaning ladies, finally! (Seriously I would rather starve myself for a day than clean the floor, my joints all ache).

The Menopause really is the time to re-assess, you are getting older love, give yourself a bloody break for god sake.  So cut back on the stress of numerous projects, quality over quantity, engage much less in unwaged work … thank you … collaborate more selectively.  Tick to all of those Caryn most definitely.

Appearance for me, like with Caryn (who not only worked in fashion but was on the t.v.) needed a review too.  A lot of older ladies are making the decision not to dye their hair, embrace the grey, but I have to say that with my skin tone that ain’t ever gonna happen, I would look like a corpse. As you probably know, I have had some cosmetic help to make me feel myself again, or at least, my new self. Not so much an attempt to look younger, but more to help with my re-invention.

As you may already know, one of my worst side effects was the weight gain around the waist, which I tackled with liposuction.  In menopause the body just decides to hold onto fat in all kinds of areas we would rather it didn’t, and there is pretty much little you can do about it. If your body shape and genetics has pre-determined that this will happen then … yeah, great.

I really like the way that Caryn explains that this withdrawal from the hormones which took us into adulthood makes the reverse from them a portal to selfhood.  It’s important to recognise this, something I didn’t, that choosing less stress, more sleep and supportive friends is crucial. Treat yourself with kindness, she says, and wait while the bio-chemical make-up of your body re-arranges itself.   Ok, my version of this was to stay in bed for a year while my other half shouted at me, not quite what I needed but I was so friggin’ tired I couldn’t do much else. Problem is that it doesn't just start and stop, it goes on and on for many years. On average 5 years for your brain to realise that your ovaries are not going to work.  

When our ovaries stop working the brain continues to send messages to get them to work, its sends a hormone that consequently produces the sweats and hot flushes. It's impossible to say how long it will take for your brain to realise they don't work. Cognitive function is impaired with insomnia, anxiety, brain fog, depression and loss of concentration.  If you need to work when this is going on then you can imagine how difficult life will become.

Coming out the other side is quite liberating, and frankly, as soon as you start to feel ok again, it’s a huge relief, however, I have found that just when I think it's drawing to an end I will get a bout of problems again, increased depression, lack of energy and hot flushes.  

I like the idea that  female tribal elders should be respected and celebrated, not sure it’s going to happen anytime soon though, as most days it’s enough to just get noticed in the outside world. Age brings invisibility for some reason, a super power I once quite fancied but now one I positively resent.  While the world wants to brush this under the carpet, there are millions of women having real problems and trying to continue as normal.

One thing I would like to point out though, Caryn still looks amazing, as some women do particularly if they have been tall slim models in their youth, great cheek bones don’t appear over night, you either have them or you don’t, if you get my drift.  I’m starting to get pretty annoyed at the moment about the pressure from these new ‘older mavens’ who all look fantastic with their long grey hair, it really is like another sort of stress “oh look at Helen Mirren, if she looks great so should you”, and while they all spout about how one can grow old gracefully and still look fabulous, it really isn’t going to be that easy for some, and not what you want to hear when you are suffering.

A few articles from other women about how great it is to grow old doesn’t change a lifetime of seeing beauty as youth; no lines or sags, no rolls of fat, no bingo wings and cellulite.  Our mental conditioning of fifty years or more that we should look like this or that doesn’t disappear over night, I only hope that the new found confidence after the menopause can balance the inner critic. Put on top of this a crippling depression and you can see how that mental state can disappear up it's own arse with unhappiness.

Pleased that I am for the advanced style women modelling after the age of 55, I hope we aren't just making another bench mark for how we are supposed to look, as there will always some people who struggle to make the adjustment after the change. 

Recently in the news Carol Vorderman has opened up about the terrible depression she has been going through. So here's a fantastic looking lady, with everything going for her, intelligence, success, money, yet it doesn't keep the depression from hitting. Depression is not about that, it's about brain chemistry. She was going about with dealing with some physical side effects and wham,  it hit her including suicidal thoughts, and here's one phrase that goes around in my head a lot that she said "I didn't see the point in carrying on, I just don't see the point in life, I don't see it"

I believe that anti-depressants can help, however this still happens even when you are on them. It can be so quick to get into the mind set of suicide and so slow to get out of. Here's the thing with depression, when you most need the help you are most likely not to ask for it, but to cocoon yourself away and hide. Unless someone close can spot the signs and knows how to react you are walking a very thin line. The attitude of your support network saying 'pull yourself together' and 'what have you got to be depressed about' just makes it worse.

Depression as a topic deserves so much more than just a mention in a blog post about the menopause, but I'm so so thankful to Carol Vorderman for airing this side of her story. Carol says she didn't have the night sweats and other physical aspects, but 20 percent of women will get the full on severe whammy of everything.

Whatever your menopause brings or takes, I hope you make it out the other side with a positive attitude, I’m not totally sure that I'm there yet, I’m still working on it and will take Caryn’s attitude on board, I shall try with all my might to rouse my inner mystic, that's if I can get out of bed after my nap.

At the moment I'm really trying to find a way to get more exercise but I can't work out how to do that, the lack of motivation has become such a big issue, and I'm stuck in finding a solution. It's a whole other topic that needs to be addressed.

Last words, please support anyone you know who is in menopause, as much as you can, and let's get more people talking about it. 

Button History with Vivienne Ridley

It is impossible to say who invented the button, but since it’s first appearance, this method for fastening our clothes has never been surpassed.   Now seen as a purely functional item, used without much thought, the humble button has an incredibly rich history.  And while the fad for Velcro may have come and gone, the button is still there, as important today as it was centuries ago.

Probably more than any other everyday object, the button has been collected either with purpose or out of necessity, snipped from clothes to re-use, the button tin gets passed from generation to generation, holding the family history and memories in it’s jumble of little pieces of perfection. What child hasn’t delved their hand into that box and run the buttons through their fingers, like jar of sweets, these little beauties hold an extraordinary amount of information.

For such a small thing the button must have more styles than any other practical object, the infinite variability of this simple and satisfying coin-like treasure can transport our minds to another time and place.  

The earliest know buttons were used more as ornaments than as a fastening, although the ornamental surface was something that stuck for many thousands of years.  The first known discovery came from the Indus Valley (Pakistan) and is a curved shell about 5,000 years old, consisting of a flat face that fit into a loop.  Reinforced buttons holes didn’t appear until the mid 13^th century where they were placed as single decoration rather than sitting in a row.  The Romans used them to hold yards of cloth and these were made to be more substantial using horn, bronze, bone or wood.  

During the Middle Ages, around the 11^th century, clothes became more close fitting so this fastening became integral to the design which followed the curve of the body and was often also used to accentuate lines.  The first button makers guild was formed in France in 1250, their work appearing in all shapes and sizes but mostly on a shank with a blank side free for decoration.  So prized as an object, they were a sign of status and wealth, sometimes used as a currency and following the trends of fashion through the Renaissance.  Made from every imaginable material depending on your pocket.

The 17th century saw them turn into real gems lasting until the last
quarter of the 18^th century when the tide turned to functionality, however in 1854 the Japanese ports opened to trade and a wave of influences appeared, among which was the small porcelain Satsumas, Japanese laquer and silver enamel inlaid with mother-of-pearl.

The industrial revolution brought mass manufacturing to this industry as many others.  Engravers cut steel dies into the latest fashionable shape, while women and children covered them by machine.  Here is when we saw the more common style of four holes used in men’s dress shirts.

The Victorians really went to town with their variety of materials and symbolism, and these today are the most widely found of the intricate antique variety. The ‘Tussie-Mussie” was one type, picturing tiny bouquets of flowers holding a symbolic message. Queen Victoria started the tradition of mourning buttons, carved in black jet and the profusions of closely spaced buttons on boots also gave rise to the button hook, enabling the user to draw them through the holes more rapidly.

There is so much to talk about on this subject that button collecting is divided into many categories with the military button being a whole genre on its own, as you can imagine the insignia of regiments around the world is vast.

The most common categories you will find them categorized by are, Austian Tinies, Art Deco and Art Nouveau, Enamel, Silver, Cut Steel, Glass, Bimini type, pictures and plant life, decorative metal, rhinestones, mother-of-pearl and jet.  Other materials include bone, horn, celluloid, ceramic, fabric, leather, plastic and wood.

One of the most decorative are the Austrian Tinies from the late 19^th century and early 20^th century which can be identified by their construction of a pierced layer of metal over another material (like fabric or mother-of-pearl) and with a domed back, often 1cm or smaller.  Gilt buttons are also highly decorated as the brass or gilt surface lends itself to holding a lot of detail when cast.

While most collectors like to keep the buttons whole, there are some who like to give them a new purpose.  Vivienne Ridley is one such ‘reclaimer’, who now seeks out the prettiest buttons, cufflinks and medals to re-purpose into rings and necklaces. Her story of button love began, like us all, at that tin of Grandma’s snipped and saved ones for re-use.  Vivienne’s grandmother as typical of her generation was a magnificent sewer, having worked in an underwear factory in Wigan, she made all her families clothes from wedding dresses to school uniforms.  Hours would pass by gazing into that rich pile of oddments, while dreaming of diamond jewellery.

Since her degree at Sheffield, Vivienne has worked in many styles but it is the collectable buttons that have stuck with her and drawn so much attention from the public.  I caught up with her at the studio where she works, in the back of Brass Monkeys in Hove.  She explained her passion for the subject “I cherish the unknown history of the pieces I find and wonder about their past and the people that firstly made them and then those who wore them. I marvel at the craftsmanship and imagination that was put into these tiny treasures and fear that one day I will cut the back of one that is worth a small fortune!

We asked her how she finds the unusual buttons used in her jewellery, “I source the treasures from far and wide - my whole family know the drill if we go near an antique, junk or charity shop - the thrill of the treasure chase!

I have become increasingly fussy about the pieces I use, materials, scale, quality and colour all play a part. My ultimate aim is to take something of age and make it relevant to today, I keep the settings simple and clean to create a harmonious mix of old and new.

I also source from specialist sites and e-bay and am very lucky to have friends who are auction regulars they send me images of lots and ask me if I want to bid on them - they know my work so well sometimes they just go ahead - and I love a surprise!”

Button collecting really is an area where you can still find a rare treasure, just think of all those tins you see in charity shops.  Mostly on the hunt for single buttons means that Vivienne’s work is limited or single edition, she explains “I never get bored while I sit for hours at my bench, each pieces offers a new challenge and it also means my customers get something really special and unique to them. 

"I also do commissions - I am currently re working some stone set cufflinks that belonged to the customers grandfather and am setting them alongside some incredible ceramic and brass buttons, a dream of a job!”

Some of Vivienne’s finds have been so special she has cast a copy from the original, her large ‘Fly’ is available in both brass and silver (with diamond set eyes) and was taken from a 1940’s cufflink. 

Some are a mystery to her, like the round star ring that is probably a military or service button of some kind.  Pictured with a stunning Victorian enamel button ring in black and gold, a very high quality piece from around 1910.

Occasionally a medal without writing or engraving comes to light and Vivienne then engraves with a cheeky message of her own, like ‘rascal’.  She has also made a few unusual styles with a cufflink on one side and a stone at the other end of an open circle, looking when worn, like two rings in one.  The simple rub over style mounting is both smooth to wear and simple enough to enhance the antique find contained within.

At the studio shop (Brass Monkeys) in Portland Road, Hove, there are many other high quality British makers, individual in style and some using reclaimed items.  Rachel Eardley uses decommissioned coins and intricately hand cuts motifs like deer, she presents the necklaces in unique boxes with the history documented for the item. Others use pieces of old rulers and such.  It is an amazing shop so I urge you to visit. You can find Vivienne at http://vivienneridley.co.uk

Jessica Zoob Artist Preview

The paintings of Jessica Zoob are not something you can describe, I don't want to show you them in full, perhaps just hint at what you can expect to see if you visit her studio over one of the two open weekends coming soon.

I don't want to show you because I really want you to get the wow factor the minute you enter this large studio just outside of Lewes.

Your first visit will always be one to be remember, my breath was taken away by both the scale and the emotions that are evoked.

A small group of bloggers who are all huge fans of Jessica's work, myself included, travelled from every corner of the UK to be together for this preview of what will be available to see in May. Works in progress and finished pieces are all here. Don't feel under pressure to purchase, because Jessica is such a generous spirit that she just wants to meet you and share her work with everyone.  A lovely relaxed atmosphere, quite unlike your usual stuffy gallery.

good friend Tamsyn Morgans working her magic

Jessica and Georgie who put together this wonderful event

If you can get to the studio you will get the full experience of the impact that this abstract wonder can have. It is dreamy and romantic, striking and emotional, with an amazing eye for colour combinations, and it is impossible to pick which one is your favourite. 

The Lewes studio is at : 
May 6-7 & 20-21  11.00- 17.00  Private Previews from April 29th.
Banff Farm
Upper Clayhill
East Sussex BN8 5RR
Free Entry, Easy Parking

If you are heading into London however, there is also a very special selection of  ‘Dreamscapes’ oil paintings in the HR OWEN Rolls Royce Showroom ,15 Berkeley Square W1J 6EG

May 23 – 30  Monday – Friday 9am – 5pm Saturday 10am – 5pm Sunday 11am – 4pm.

view from the Lewes Studio

bloggers going about their business

So, you know I said that Jessica is enormously generous, well, she has also said that my readers can win a print from her.  I will be running it as the prize for May's Be Home Free hashtag on instagram so watch out for that announcement.

I will attempt to choose my own personal favourite for you.

What I would like you to do is to go a bit abstract maybe this month, look for colours and impressions of the month of May, at home and outdoors, wherever, it is about freedom this tag, home and away.

If you hop over to https://www.jessicazoob.com/ you can see the beautiful smile of this welcoming and lovely spirit, where there is a feel for the process and prints available of the art.  

I urge you to take some time out to visit here, it really does lift the soul and is hugely inspirational.

Love and cake from Janice xx

April Be Home Free

I'm celebrating that my little hashtag #behomefree has reached over 10k posts so a big thanks to all who regularly use the tag and help to make a really beautiful feed, it's been a great way for me to discover new people and I hope that you have too.

April was a month of enormous weather changes from hour to hour, sunshine followed by hail storms, you just didn't know what to wear!

This month our prize is two tea towels from France as we are looking at all things French style here on this blog, leading up to a retreat in Brantome in September, booking is still open for that on the Lush Getaways site so look at my previous post for information.

One of my favourite things is grouping these photos together, these two here were my top favourites, I think @thesefourwallsblog has perfectly captured the essence of outdoor French style dining, simple but inviting, I can hear the laughter around that table.

Rida from @beforeandagain_ took us back in time with a shot she took at Charlecote Park and I just couldn't stop looking at it.

@thesefourwallsblog @beforeandagain_

Outdoors on sunny and moody days, we had bluebells, and so many new flowers to fill our eyes with beauty.  The photo of wisteria from @saffronandsuitcases is screaming French style, taken in Ju-Belloc  I just want to be in that photo with my croissant.

@lewesmap @niki.at.the.cottage @@micolbendel @saffronandsuitcases

 Pastel circles, tea and tart, flowers and butterflies.

@patisseriemakesperfect @lottsandlots @elizaroseshop @makeitinwales

 Simple and still, pale and interesting ...

@thevintagehousethatcould @_apothecary_ @littlegreenshed @alexandradudley

Gosh this was a hard one, but because I was looking for something that I thought had a French flavour, I have decided that the lovely Abi Dare from These Four Walls blog has captured something with memories of warm evenings outside the chateaux, or the gites perhaps.  The Lush Getaways retreat is going to be focused on food and a real culinary experience with antiques thrown in for good measure. If cooking is your thing, then lessons from top chefs and visits to vineyards will surely tickly your palette.

French Style - Top Ten Must Haves

If you want to get some ooo lala into your home, mix up some French style with other exotic pieces, then I'm here to help. I consulted some aficionados and put together a list of key elements that are seen in French homes and how you can work with them.

french linen bed sheet dyed by Gail at GZBB Antiques. I use it as a table cloth.

So I called the experts, one in France and one in San Fran, mother and daughter Kim and Johnelle Mancha.  Mignonne Decor is the beautiful store in Berkeley California, and having studied in Paris and Italy, Johnelle is quite the expert on eclectic interior design with a French flavour.  

Kim and her daughter are also the founders of Lush Getaways, where they will be hosting the most amazing retreat in the South of France later this year, it is booking now for September if you are interested, it will be a culinary adventure with antique hunting on the side, an old 17c manor house with salt water pool, yoga and cocktails, set in a beautiful typical french town. 

To kick off the list, my very favourite thing ..

1. Something Linen, or as much linen as possible. You can find many vintage and new items made from linen in France, bed sheets, tea towels, table cloths, napkins, curtains and shepherds smocks. The French have these large square pillows and are much more comfortable than cushions on a bed, perfect for sitting up in bed while you have a cafe au lait and croissant. 

large french pillow cases and linen peasant smock from GZBB mixed with new linen bedding from Soak and Sleep

details like religious statues are very french, curvy furniture too

2. Wooden chopping boards, a collection of imperfect ones for all your chopping needs. Collections of different shapes look great together in a kitchen as well as being practical.  Most have a hole in the handle so can also be hung from butchers hooks, they make an interesting wall decoration for the perfect rustic kitchen.

3. Old Glass Decanters and chippy vintage pottery and china. Most typically arranged in a lazy but stylish way on a dresser or open shelves.

4. A wild garden bouquet, not fussy or too prim, but roughly tied and placed in any container.

5. French Lavender potted plants, nothing says France more than this plant. Bring it inside for a few weeks before planting outside.

French shutters as wall decoration 

6. A rustic wooden farm table or something in the spirit of. This is on my wish list but I don't really have space so I have painted an old extending table with curvy legs, painted in colours with French overtones like grey and off white.  Keep your eyes peeled for an old scrubbed top one, pale pine planks with some history and tales of wine and song, summer salads and naughty deserts.

7. Lovely old glassware, cute little aperetif glasses for your traditional Apero, the most classic being Pernod or Ricard Pastis.
A ramshackle collection of Pernod or Ricard glasses and water bottles for when you have a Pastis on a long summer evening.

A drink that originally started as Absinthe, so strong it was an hallucinogenic and highly addictive, became adapted by Jules Pernod who took the ingredient of wormwood and changed it to the widely available and legal anise. Mix your Pernod or Ricard to three quarters of water and watch the dark yellow liquid turn to a milky pastel.  You can keep adding water to further dilute, sip slowly.

8. A chest of drawers with barrel front, think chateaux style, they are called a Bombay chest. Plenty of curves on this beauty for that faded grandeur feel.

9. Old books for styling up your bookshelf, interesting spines on topics your family would love. Start a collection of old ones with strange topics, fun to flick through while sipping your Pernod.

linen tea towels are an essential french item, old ones with embroidery 

10. Triple Milled Soap from France has been around since the 1700s and is the perfect luxury soap.  The process in soap making known as milling is done three times for extra fine quality and this special manufacturing method was invented by French soap makers. 

Have it on display in old china bowls, these with the stencil printing are very typically French.  Fill your bathroom with different scents and the pile the soaps high. 

If you want more inspiration for these looks I'm pinning daily to some boards over on Pinterest, for French interior style and food.

my Pinterest board for this is here : https://uk.pinterest.com/JaniceIssitt/french-inspired-by-france/

Other links you should check out : 

Lush Getaways France https://www.lush-getaways.com/

Mignonne Decor San Francisco

Kim in Brantome at her shop The Bohemians 

https://www.facebook.com/pg/KimBohemians/about/?ref=page_internal

GZ BBAntiques selling at Uk Arthur Swallow Fairs.

In the summer I will be visiting Gail from GZ bbantiques at the Arthur Swallow Fair in Loseley and doing a shop the look for more key pieces.

Over on instagram I'm running a comp with the #behomefree hashtag so you can win the vintage embroidered linen tea towels featured above. Get tagging, until the next time, happy Easter, à votre santé !!

March Macrame Winner for Be Home Free

Thank you again for all your entries to #behomefree on instagram, with the prize this month coming from Bird Tribe Wall Art in the form of a blush pink macrame hanging. 

March is a mixed month, rainy days in bed mixed with signs of sun and days out to isolated beaches and interesting places.

@katrinabartlam @rebecca.kathryn @charis_in_wonderland

I've got my cooking head on this year, in preparation for the Lush Getaway trip to the south of France. My eyes are drawn to anything food related and beautifully presented. So the following caught my attention and made my mouth water ...

@trish.swetnellie @rayofsunshine60 @bittyfawn @the_curious_north

@takingamomentintime @aslowgathering @simpleandseason @salikons_roser

@_scarlett.l @lewesmap @catesthill @heatheryounguk

It was Heather who won my heart, I think I love everything in this photo, a fiddle leaf fig tree (on my list of wants), large glass bottle, dark walls and moroccan basket.  I couldn't wish for more, I think the hand made wall hanging from Nicole will look absolutely at home here.   

Thank you everyone who takes the time to use the tag, we are nearly up to 10k entries now which is more than I could ever have dreamt of.

Keep them coming, the vignettes, the home corners, the getaways and home from home. 

The prize for next month is something French and I will be revealing it in my next post which is the top ten tips on how to get the French Look in your home. 


Love Janice x